


Realizations

by Willowwren



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-01-26 08:03:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1680854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowwren/pseuds/Willowwren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just Bellamy working through his feelings for Clarke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love jealous and protective Bellamy so I wrote a little one shot about what I desperately wish would have happened in 1x10. Please like or comment if you're interested in Clarke's point of view and I may add a chapter from her perspective. And I always appreciate any constructive criticism or thoughts you may have. Hope you enjoy!

Bellamy felt like he was dying but it was Clarke who had blood dripping from her eyes. He had wanted to kill Murphy when he first arrived, but when he thought he had done something to Clarke there was a whole new level of rage that he could barely contain. 

These new feelings were confusing, and frankly, really annoying. He no longer wanted to use the girls who threw themselves at him. He no longer wanted to make decisions that benefited only him. He didn't even want to be feared anymore. 

It was all because of that head strong, brilliant, beautiful princess. 

When the idiot pointed his gun at her he wanted to do a whole lot more than break his nose. Finn caught her when she fell. Something had happened between those two. Clarke hadn't said anything, which made him think that she wanted to forget it but Bellamy couldn't help but hate the guy. 

There were too many exchanged glances with Bellamy and Raven looking on helplessly. Something would need to be done about him. 

He knew he had caught the fever long before he was showing symptoms but everyone in the camp needed him. The people who he had once used to keep himself alive had become the people he would die to save. 

That too was because of Clarke. 

It wasn't until he could no longer stand that he passed his duties onto the only other option. He found himself in the drop ship surrounded by terrified teenagers and his sister. The sister who he thought was slipping away from him, yet there she was promising to taker care of him instead. 

Clarke was there too. Pale and still as the grave. He wanted to kill Murphy again. Or at least beat him to an even bloodier pulp. 

The Spacewalker had suggested he compare notes with the Grounders. Murphy would make an excellent test subject. Does it hurt more to have your fingernails ripped off or a spike shoved through your hand?

He lost consciousness while thinking about all the ways to hurt Murphy and when he woke up there he was offering him a glass of water with a friendly smile. He wouldn't have been smiling if Bellamy had had the strength to do anything about it. 

Clarke came to his rescue and she was better. It was enough for him to feel a little better too. 

When he found her outside the wall without a gun he wanted to scream at her. What was he going to do if some Grounder came along and decided they wanted a little piece of princess? What were they all going to do? She was too valuable to the group to be risking herself like that.

He almost decided to yell at her when he realized why she was out there. She felt guilty for the fourteen who had died. She thought she should have been able to save them. Everyone else knew she wasn't responsible, but that didn't matter to her. On top of it all she had just lost her mom and she didn't have a grave to go to for that. There was nowhere for her to feel like her mom was there. 

Clarke had lost absolutely everything and Bellamy decided she needed something new. 

"Come back inside." Bellamy took her hand and pulled her back through the gate. 

He didn't let go when Octavia saw them and looked at him with a furrowed brow. He pulled her closer when Finn stomped out of the drop ship, clutching something in his hand. He led her to his tent and pushed her gently inside. 

She looked confused but he wasn't going to explain anything to her. Not yet. 

He just ushered her to his bed and told her to stay as long as she needed. No one would bother her here. He was Bellamy Blake, and if there's one thing he could guarantee it was that he would do whatever he had to to take care of her. 

He winked at her as he left and smirked at her confusion. He cared about her, that was no longer deniable, but that didn't mean he couldn't have fun messing with her until he was finally ready to admit it.


	2. Chapter 2

Bellamy found himself being near Clarke whenever he could. She was worried about the Grounders and he wanted to comfort her. 

Well what he really wanted to do was take her far away from here where no one could hurt her. Or touch her for that matter. Other than him, of course.

He made a joke about land mines, she laughed, and he smiled like an idiot because he had made her happy if only for a moment. 

Then there was a fire and she was stressed out again. She recommended they hunt and he wanted to say no because he knew that meant she would be going out there too, but she was right, they needed food. He certainly couldn't let her starve. Unfortunately one of them would have to remain behind, they couldn't leave everyone else here without a leader. Somehow she talked him into staying. 

When she was gone he realized it was stupid. He was one of the best hunters here and she couldn't hit anything with her spear unless it was two feet away. She had tricked him though he couldn't figure out why. 

He decided he would be having a talk with her just as soon as he cleaned up a little in his tent. Living on earth had done serious damage to his hygiene. Mostly he didn't care, but Clarke was the type of girl who probably wanted a clean guy. When he finally managed to pull away from all of the people who swore they needed him he was less than surprised to find Raven in his tent. 

She went on her rant and all he retained was that Clarke was still out there and she was with Finn. This wasn't the first time he had wanted to strangle the Spacewalker, but it was definitely the first time he wanted to get back at Clarke too. He warned Raven that he wasn't in the business of talking desperate girls down but that didn't seem to bother her. So he did what he hadn't done since he figured out his feelings for Clarke and tried not to call out her name the entire time. 

When they were finished he asked her if it had helped. Not because he cared, but because it certainly hadn't helped him. 

He fought the gut wrenching feeling of guilt until Monty came and told him that Finn, Clarke, and the third member of their team, Myles, hadn't returned. 

A third member meant Clarke and Finn weren't alone in the woods doing what he and Raven had done only shortly before. And they weren't back.

Bellamy let the guilt wash over him. It made him move faster, concentrate harder, and no one was going to say no to the tone of his voice. He brought the people he trusted the most, the ones who would take this seriously. 

When Raven and Octavia found something in the bushes he ran. He ran because if it was her he needed to hold her and calm he down and tell her that he was going to take care of her. He was never going to let her out of his sight again. 

Only it wasn't her. It was the other kid, Myles. And he told them the thing that Bellamy feared most.

Clarke, his Clarke, had been taken by Grounders. 

Raven was distressed. Bellamy was jealous because she was allowed to show her fear and guilt openly. He had to remain calm. It was what the hundred needed from him and it was what Clarke would want from him. 

She would be so mad at him if he just stormed through the forest until he maybe found something. 

So he stayed calm. On the outside anyway. 

On the inside he was being torn apart and the only way to fix himself was to find the people who were threatening Clarke and tear them apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this would be from Clarke's POV buuuuuut... I lied.


	3. Chapter 3

**Bellamy**

If Clarke wasn't here he could settle with protecting everyone else. Raven didn't like it, but he didn't care. He already lost Clarke he couldn't lose anymore people. Even Raven, who made him feel guilty every time he looked at her. He yelled at her for demanding they go after them and hoped everyone mistook the crack in his voice for anger instead of sorrow.

Then that kid fired his gun and for a moment he thought they were being attacked and panic settled in. He couldn't help himself when he yelled at the kid, there was too much rage built up inside. Rage at himself for losing Clarke and not being able to go after her. 

They should be scared; he was scared.

 

**Clarke**

All she could do was glare at Anya. It was her last chance to rebel against her captors. Then the man came, Tristan. He told her that he was sent to slaughter her people and she couldn't help imagining him sticking a knife in Bellamy's gut. Not too long ago he imagination would have jumped to the opposite situation, but lately she was feeling pretty hopeless. She wished Bellamy was there because he wouldn't have allowed for that kind of thinking.

Now she could only hope that he was able to save the others, because she was about to die and he wasn't there to save her.

She made one last attempt to escape, but it was no good. The man left behind to kill her was twice her size.

And he had vaguely familiar boots. 

 

**Bellamy**

He had built a little model of the camp to help visualize where the land mines should go and how they could protect themselves in the inevitable attack. It was a little crude, but it was good enough. Except now there was Myles moaning in the background.

Clarke would have helped him by now, but no one else knew what to do so they just left the arrows in and hoped that someone would have a revelation and figure out how to help him. 

Bellamy wondered, not for the first time, how they were going to survive without Clarke. How  _he_ was going to survive without her. Right now it was simple enough to focus on saving them, but what about after that? Sure he would have to rebuild what the Grounders destroyed, but what about after that? Was the rest of his life just going to be handling crisis after crisis in an attempt to distract himself from the hole that Clarke left?

Jasper was even more upset than Raven. He accused him of hiding behind the walls and that cut deep. He wasn't hiding, he was protecting. He wanted more than anything to go after her, but what good would he be dead? Clarke would kill him if he died going after her.

Myles needed water and he remembered when he almost killed Jasper because he was injured but Clarke wouldn't let him. He went to get him water, trying to remember the soothing words that Clarke would use when she was helping a patient. Even if he could remember it probably wouldn't have the same effect as her voice did.

Hearing his name through the walkie pulled him out of his thoughts. Murphy was at it again.

Maybe finding new crises to distract him wouldn't be so hard after all.

 

**Clarke**

She could feel strong arms around her and for a moment she thought it was Bellamy. She had never necessarily been held by Bellamy, but she was pretty sure his arms weren't quite this thick and his chest wasn't quite so broad.

It wasn't Bellamy, it was the Grounder who was supposed to kill her. But he didn't kill her and fear gripped her as she wondered what else he wanted her for. 

Finn was crouched by a fire and she was so relieved that she couldn't hold herself back. Maybe there was hope after all. Especially with Lincoln there. She knew Bellamy didn't trust him, but Bellamy trusted very few people beyond Octavia and, she liked to think, herself. Lincoln could get them back to camp and she could tell Bellamy that they were coming and he could save them all.

In the back of her mind she wondered why he was so sure the Grounders wouldn't follow them into the tunnel, but there was no other option so she ran in. It was dark and she was terrified, but she was one step closer to camp and Bellamy.

 

**Bellamy**

Octavia was mad at him enough as it was, add to it the fact that he looked like he was just waiting for Murphy to throw Jasper's severed head out so they could all get to work and he knew she would be furious even before she started yelling. He just needed everyone to get back to work. It was almost like they didn't want to survive. 

She was duly humbled when she realized that he had, in fact, been working on a plan and not too long ago that would have made him smirk.

He offered himself up because he was counting on him helping Raven, and if that didn't work no one would be hurt but him. He was pretty sure he could outsmart Murphy. He was too angry and he didn't know how to control that anger and use it to his advantage. Something Bellamy was very good at. And he was plenty angry.

 

**Clarke**

Clarke knew it, there was a reason to fear these tunnels. She tried to push it out of her mind and concentrate on tending to Lincolns wound. The head of the arrow was inside his abdomen, if she pulled it out it would do more damage, tearing muscle and ripping flesh with its barbed head. It would be better to push it through, slicing instead of ripping.

So that's what she did when he insulted her people. How could he call them soft after everything they'd survived? It wasn't their fault they'd grown up somewhere where people weren't constantly trying to kill each other. She hated to admit it but she was pretty satisfied with herself when he grunted in pain. Bellamy would have been proud.

The smell of charred flesh made her stomach roil.

 

**Bellamy**

He tried to talk Murphy down but he wasn't having any of it. As soon as he told him to start tying the buckles he knew what Murphy wanted. This was a waste of time. He had to hurry it along. 

And he honestly wasn't in the mood to dangle from a rope.

When Murphy pulled on the rope until he was on the tip of his toes he started to panic a little. 

Murphy didn't think he was stronger than him. But he was. He didn't think the situation would turn in his favor. But there was still time. He didn't think that his friends would come to help him. But at least he had friends who would try.

 

**Clarke**

Clarke discovered she didn't like bats. She also discovered that she  _hated_ Reapers.

They terrified her with their carts full of dead bodies and their mutilated faces. She tried not to think about it but she was pretty sure they were cannibals. Reapers was a good name because everywhere she looked in the damp shadows she saw death.

Any misgivings she had about Lincoln dissipated when he offered himself up as a distraction. He even gave them a place to run to. She couldn't wait to tell Bellamy, she wanted him to learn that some people were worth trusting. Maybe if he realized that he would be happier.

She was actually almost proud of Finn when he killed the Reaper. Apparently he wasn't totally incapable of taking drastic measures; at least when his own life was at stake. 

She would have to tell Bellamy about that, too.

 

**Bellamy**

Murphy was right: he had been a coward. He should have stopped the mob who called for his death but he was terrified of losing control. 

Clarke had shown him that respect wasn't always earned by giving people what they want. She had also taken away his cowardice. So maybe now that she was gone it came back.

Murphy had the gall to say he thought the Princess was dead. It was the worst mistake he could have made. When he called Clarke 'Princess' there was no respect in it like she deserved, just disdain and bitterness. 

Bellamy had been telling himself over and over again that Clarke was dead because that made it easier to stay. When Murphy said it he just wanted to scream at him because she was stronger than anyone he knew and if someone was going to survive out there it was her. It caused a physical ache, realizing she was probably alive out there somewhere, wondering why he hadn't found her yet. 

Murphy thought he could lead. Bellamy would have laughed if the weasel hadn't threatened his sister. 

Before he knew what was happening the stool was no longer under his feet and he was being choked. He held on with every ounce of strength he had left but Murphy wouldn't allow that. He fought back and it drained him of his strength. He couldn't even hold up his arms by the time the drop ship door opened. 

Octavia and Jasper were telling him to breathe and he was trying but it hurt like hell. His vision was blurry and black at the edges and for a moment he swore he saw Clarke hovering over him, concern and even a little bit of anger in her eyes. Lack of oxygen was playing tricks on his brain but it was enough to hear her say 'breathe' even if it was just his brain remembering her voice.

When he yelled it hurt even more, but he needed it. He'd been needing it a lot lately. What he needed most, though, was to kill Murphy for almost ruining his chances of ever seeing Clarke again.

 

**Clarke**

They were lost and she was terrified. 

Finn tried to wash the blood off his hands and it was sort of pathetic and a waste a time. 

He confessed his love and it sent a bolt straight to her heart. She had imagined him saying that more than once, but as time went on she didn't care anymore. He had broken her heart and tortured her afterwards. Bit by bit her affection for him found its way onto someone else. She didn't know exactly when it had happened, but when Finn said he loved her all she could think was that she wished it was Bellamy saying it instead.

Her fond thoughts of dark curls and wide smiles were interrupted by an explosion and all of the sudden she pictured him dying again. 

 

**Bellamy**

He was getting really tired of Murphy being alive. Of course he escaped, and wasted precious gun powder while doing it. He was good at surviving, but that was all.

Next time Bellamy was going to take his one and only talent away from him, if the Grounders didn't get to him first.

Jasper said he had come a long way from 'whatever the hell we want'. He wondered if he knew that it was Clarke who got him there.

 

**Both**

Clarke ran as fast as she could towards camp, Bellamy ran as fast as he could out of the drop ship when someone saw movement outside the south gate.

Their eyes met as soon as the gate was opened and neither one had even been so relieved in their entire lives. If they weren't surrounded by people they would have embraced right then and there and Bellamy doubted he would ever let go. It didn't stop Jasper though and Bellamy envied his ability to be so open with his feelings. 

The news that Monty was gone took away some of her relief and Finn's decision to suddenly announce the need to leave because of an oncoming invasion of Grounders grated at her nerves. That wasn't exactly how she wanted to tell everyone. 

Assure them of safety first, tell them why they needed it second.

Bellamy didn't like it, he didn't want to run. Clarke wondered why his voice was so raspy and he looked so worn.

Just as she had expected he refused to trust Lincoln. His speech was surprisingly eloquent and Clarke didn't want to go against him, but she had to. They each had different ideas about how to protect their people, and maybe if they had more time they could talk about it and come up with a compromise, but they didn't have time. 

Bellamy felt a rush of accomplishment at the beginning of Clarke's speech. She was agreeing with him, something that hadn't happened without a bit of argument since they landed. But then she overruled him, she sided with the Spacewalker and it felt like a punch in the gut. 

He was momentarily distracted from the betrayal by the arrival of Raven with a bullet wound. She was injured because he sent her in their. He really needed to avoid that girl, every encounter they had left him feeling guilty about something.

He tried to talk Clarke out of it, but the truth of the matter was they were leading together. And with two leaders there would sometimes need to be a tie-breaker. In this situation it was the crowd. It wasn't how he wanted their reunion to be. He wanted to pull her into a dark corner and tell her that he was stupid for keeping his feelings to himself for so long.

She wanted him to hold her and listen as she cried about what she had just gone through. She had imagined him calling her a brave princess again and grinning at her. 

Instead he watched her go with a look of betrayal as she went to help pack up the camp.


	4. Chapter 4

**Clarke**

She did what she could for Raven on short notice. The news of rocket fuel gave her a flash of hope but they were quick to extinguish it. When Bellamy suggested asking the Reapers for help she was proud of how resourceful he was, even if that plan would never work. 

Raven was strong, but she listened to Clarke when she told her she couldn't walk and that made her respect the injured girl even more than she already did. 

She hated listening to Finn and Bellamy fight. He didn't direct his anger at her, but she had sided with Finn so she knew it was there. 

Bellamy couldn't stay. She couldn't leave him. When he spat out her name it nearly broke her heart. He said it the way he used to say 'Princess'. She almost wish he would have fought with her like he had with Finn. It would have hurt less than the disappointment in his eyes. 

She had to show him that he was needed. That everyone there trusted him and respected him. They knew he was brave, but sometimes bravery was making the hard choices. 

Her eyes flicked to his lips, just for a moment. She wondered if a kiss would convince him. But now was not the time for kisses or words, but actions so she walked away and prayed her would follow. 

 

**Bellamy**

She had made it sound like if he stayed behind he was condemning everyone to death. Her desperation made him forget ever being mad at her. She was scared and he could make her feel safer.

He made sure everyone else left first. Doused the fire and it felt like when he would turn the lights out in his apartment on the ark before he left for work everyday. She tried again to reassure him that this was the right choice but his urge to force everyone back behind the walls where he could protect them was strong. 82 out of 100 wasn't a bad score, but it was people he lost not points and he felt responsible for every single one of them. 

He let himself fall into the gravity that he didn't think she knew she possessed. Not only over him, but over everyone. 

As long as Clarke was next to him he could go wherever she thought was safest. 

When Jasper yelled he was afraid that everyone was going to trample each other in their mad dash back to camp. Another one dead.

 

**Clarke**

They had missed their window. Lincoln had said to leave before the scouts got there, but the scouts were there so did that mean they should stay?

Octavia thought he would tell them to fight their way out. Finn thought it was a good idea. 

Bellamy called her Princess and it muddied her thoughts so she turned away so the look in his eyes wouldn't bias her decision. She realized maybe her opinion  _should_ be biased. Bellamy was her partner, she trusted him. So she trusted him to protect them. 

 

**Bellamy**

He didn't bother fighting with Octavia about going to the fox hole. She wouldn't take no for an answer and they could use all the fighter they could get. She was nothing if not a fighter. 

He explained his plan to Clarke, trying to sound confident. Every other time he told someone he had no trouble having faith in it, but anything less than surety seemed like falling short of what she deserved. The whole plan was centered on the hope that they could do enough to scare them away. 

He wasn't even surprised when she came up with the idea to blast off. They were a team; he came up with half a plan and she made it whole. He wondered if she felt the same rush that he did every time they worked together like that.

 

**Clarke**

She had almost gotten Finn killed once. She hated the feeling of responsibility that settled into her gut. Of course he would volunteer to go on a suicide mission because she told him that the coagulant would help. She  _really_ didn't want to deal with thinking he was dead again.

 

**Bellamy**

War drums. Those sons of bitches had war drums. Octavia was missing. They were ghosts. They were shooting at ghosts.

They were wasting ammo. 

 

**Clarke**

It was hard to concentrate when Bellamy was out there. 

Raven yelling at her was a pretty good distraction. She usually didn't respond well to self-pity, but Raven had been through a lot. She deserved a boost.

For the first time ever Clarke wished she was better at all this electrical stuff. 

 

**Bellamy**

They came out of the trees wherever he looked. There were so many of them. They could fight and it wasn't like fighting an idiot from the Ark. They were good. Bellamy had never lost a fight and he could barely retaliate against the one who tackled him out of nowhere. 

His little sister saved him, but she was injured and it was his turn to save her. He stayed calm because no one else was and someone had to have a level head. 

 

**Clarke**

Raven was unconscious. They had to do it without her. This was their only hope.

Miller tried to get them to close the door early, but Bellamy was still out there. She told them to do what she thought he would do. 

Then they saw the Ark falling from the sky and all she could think was that they were too late. There might not be any of them left by the time they got there.

Finn had brought the Reapers and she realized they should have listened to Bellamy earlier. It upset her that he didn't have any faith in Jasper, but she didn't have time to reprimand him. 

 

**Bellamy**

He couldn't believe Octavia would even suggest he leave her. He had never left her before, so why did she think he would do it now. Lincoln came to the rescue, and it hurt but he had to let her go with him. She had been his world for so long, maybe it was time to share her. 

The Reapers had distracted the Grounders for as long as they could. Their leader's call to charge pulled Bellamy back into his fighting mindset. He had to get back in time to either get in the drop ship or tell Clarke to close it without him.

 

**Clarke**

She didn't want to be inside. She wanted to be out there waiting for Bellamy, but she was the only one who could help Raven. 

Miller wanted to close the door but she wouldn't let him. Bellamy wasn't back yet.

She was finally able to run outside and crouch behind a flimsy little wall of sandbags. She called for everyone to get inside but she didn't see Bellamy. She watched in horror as people were cut down. Her people.

She understood why Anya had seemed nervous around Tristan. He was ruthless and skilled. He worked his way towards the drop ship, cutting down everything in his path. Clarke's heart was pounding in her ears as she wondered if he had already made it to Bellamy. But then there he was, scooping up a gun and heading straight for Tristan. He ignored her scream to run and did what he did best: protected others from the biggest threat. 

She resisted the urge to go to him as Tristan beat him. Then Finn ran out and it was useless. He would save Bellamy for a moment just so they would both die later. She was going to lose two of the only people she had left. 

She had told Bellamy that they were willing to die for him and that's what was going to keep them alive. She hadn't counted on him dying to keep them alive. 

Finn nodded at her, telling her to go. She looked around but she couldn't find Bellamy in all of the chaos. If she had she probably wouldn't have been able to leave him out there.

She ignored the pain in her chest and focused on keeping Anya from getting pummeled to death instead. She contradicted Bellamy's words and immediately regretted it. He gave his life for them and she was telling them that one of the last things he ever said was wrong. 

When the flames burst from the drop ship she felt sick to her stomach. 

He was gone. She couldn't breathe. There was no joy in this victory. She had lost too much. 

When they deemed it safe to open the door she couldn't help but remember the joy she had felt when she first stepped off of that ship. Not all she could do was stare at the scorched bones and wonder which ones were his. 

Then suddenly the world was pink smoke and coughing. Green pierced the red and a new kind of monster faced her.

When she woke she felt clean and rested for the first time since they landed.

She also felt hollow and empty.

She tried to convince herself that it had all been a bad dream, but the ache in the pit of her stomach wouldn't allow it.

Everything was white and that bothered her for some reason. Maybe because white was pure and she now knew that nothing was ever completely pure. The Earth was supposed to be pure and it had done everything in its power to prove that wrong.

There was a picture. Starry Night, her mind supplied its name. It almost made her laugh. She had come from among those stars.

Monty was there. She was relieved, but it didn't last because she couldn't reach him. 

_**Mount Weather** _

_**Quarantine Ward** _

They had finally made it to Mount Weather. This wasn't exactly how she had imagined it.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of this fic, at least for now. I may continue it next season.  
> Thanks a million to everyone who read it!


End file.
